It has taken a hundred years, but Pixar has released Toy Story 3 into the world.  I guess they wanted to finish their good movies before going back to the well to dredge up more of the same thing.

This movie was a cross between ‘a predictable boring story’ and ‘a waste of time.’  Pixar made no secret that the film was about what happens to toys when you go off to college.  They are stuffed in the attic, the garbage, or the goodwill box.  Sure it’s sad and nostalgic to dispose of all your old trash and I’m sure if you were an atomic living toy it would be even more depressing.  Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying “I can’t enjoy Futurama because one of the main characters is a cyclops” and I’m also not saying “I can’t enjoy Toy Story because Toys are inanimate objects.”  I can and will buy into the world that any film maker wants to force feed me. (That might be a lie)

The problem is the progression of the film is crystal clear.  You know exactly where the film will be taking you five minutes from now.  Then it takes ten minutes getting there.  The closest thing to an unforeseen event was when the pizza planet aliens came down with the claw.  Is that really hard to imagine happening?

After producing the film the three little pigs in 1933, Walt Disney was pressured to make a sequel due to the success of it.  Walt new that you wouldn’t be able to impress the public to the same level with the same thing.  To quote him on the topic, “You can’t top pigs with pigs.”

That’s exactly what Pixar is trying to do here.

Clearly I should be writing my reviews closer to when I actually watch the movie in question.  I was much more upset at the movie when it was fresh in my mind.

It was cool to see the Totoro in the film.

I’m not sure what exactly convinced me to watch Brother Bear, the movie that was so bad that Disney had to actually SHUT DOWN IT’S CELL ANIMATION STUIDO because of it.  Nonetheless I watched the cartoon and came to one conclusion.  Disney should have shut down a lot more after releasing this movie into the world.

The movie is about a young tribal guy who hates bears and must learn to love bears.  When he is given his ‘life totem’ which will tell him how to act and live, it is the loving bear.  This makes him so mad that he goes and throws rocks at a bear.  The bear says ‘Stop it’ and the boy’s brother falls off of a cliff.

The movie was so bad that I don’t even remember the names of the characters.  So I’ll make them up. Jojo is the main character who hates bears.  Squeejo is the older brother who falls off a cliff.  Lastly we have Ronjo, the middle child, I’ll tell you about him in a second.

Jojo is given his totem and starts throwing rocks.  The big bear wants the Jojo to stop it, but instead Squeejo falls off of a cliff.  Jojo is pissed at the bear and goes off to avenge his brother by killing the bear that somehow caused his brother to die.

Ronjo is pissed at Jojo, but will not help him out in killing the bear.  Ronjo does decide to follow Jojo from a distance, only to find out Jojo gets killed by a bear.  Ronjo is now pissed as hell because he could have helped avenge his dead brother the first time, but now he has to really take revenge.  I don’t know how you can avenge two brothers that were killed by the same bear, and I guess that you wouldn’t actually see something like that in a Disney movie anyways.  That explains why Ronjo never actually was able to take revenge.

Now for the twist.  Jojo isn’t actually dead.  He got turned into a bear.  HOLY SMOKES RIGHT?

After killing the bear that watched his brother fall off of a cliff, Jojo is crushed by the tremendous weight.  So he did die… I guess.  But the ghost of Squeejay said no, you can’t be dead yet.  So Squeejay brings back his brother from beyond the grave and stuffs him into a bear’s body so he will learn his lesson.

Ronjo gets to the top of the mountain and sees Jojay the bear running off after killing Jojay the mancub and leaving behind a broken spear and the bear totem.

At this point in my life I am really questioning many things.  Why did I watch this movie?  More importantly, why have I gone so far in writing about this movie?  And what am I doing with my life?

Nobody in their right mind would watch this movie.  I would rather go watch Legally Blonde 2 or keeping with the theme, let a bear watch me fall off of a cliff than spend any more of my precious time thinking about this movie.